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Past is past?
Thursday, July 30, 2015 • 7:38 PM • 0 comments
Reading my old blog post about my present boyfriend brought up some old feelings. I never knew that we'd end up together. I thought he'll be just an asshole who'd make me hate guys forever.. but, no. He's the one who taught me a lot about being in a relationship--being loyal and stuff. (lol)

So, I was reading my old blog post (starting from June 2012) about him and how he betrayed me and how bitter I've become to how I "moved on" and to how I realized that I haven't really "moved on". The posts that I've written was heart breaking. Reading it again made me feel like it's happening to me all over again. The memories came back so vividly. How I cried myself to sleep. How I literally felt like my heart was being torn apart. The tachycardia that I felt.. They all came back.

I still remember the day I started having this "feeling"  that he got back together with his ex-girlfriend and that's how it all started. He wasn't texting back, he was being distant. little did I know that he really got back with his ex already. HA. That was the worst feeling I have ever felt. I even swore to God I will never fall in love ever again (obviously, I broke that promise, lol)... But, what the hell. That's all in the past now, right? He changed already. I have 2years and 10 months of proof that he already have changed.

It still got me thinking, though. Is he really over his ex? I mean, he already told me that even thought his ex was his 4th girlfriend, she was his,like, first real girlfriend--and that's what scares me. What if she's his great love? What if one day she (his ex) decided to get back together with him (my bf) and he'd agree in a heart beat? GAAAAAAH. What am I even thinking.. Sorry, beb. SORRY :/ I know this will upset you. I know you hate it when I compare my self to your past girlfriends. I know you already said that our relationship is better and greater than any of the relationships you have had.. But, I still can't help thinking of the what if's.

I'm sorry. I love you so much.


PAST
MY WORDS;
steff
061393.
Augustinian.
Future PTRP.
I blog my feelings out. I rant nothing but nonsense and it will probably bore you to death :p So, you can leave if you want. .





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